Why mediate?
11th October 2021
Once conflict has arisen, it can be very destructive. And once parties’ anger is aroused, it can be very difficult to bring conflict to an end.
The two main methods traditionally used for resolving conflict are:
- fighting it out; or
- agreeing or imposing a process where a third party (eg judge, teacher, or disciplinary panel) listens to the parties, exercises the judgment of Solomon, and decides who is in the right, who is in the wrong and what they must do about it.
Fortunately, jousting or having a duel are no longer approved methods of dispute resolution! On the other hand, getting a third party to decide how a dispute should be resolved has obvious flaws: no matter how honest and careful the judge, his or her decision can sometimes be very wrong (as I have discovered to my cost a few times).
This is why mediation has become so popular as a method of dispute resolution.
In mediation, an independent and impartial mediator helps the parties to talk to each other and work out a solution for themselves. This is successful more often than not (often surprisingly so).
The reason this works is that the involvement of a mediator, and the way a mediation is set up and conducted, enables the parties to let go of, or at least get past, their anger and fear, and focus on finding a resolution of the dispute which they can live with.
The outcome is also better for the parties because the decision making is left where it should be, in the hands of the people whose lives the decision will affect. People are much more willing to buy into and stick to an agreement which they have freely made themselves than to comply with a solution which has been imposed upon them.
Where the parties have a continuing relationship, one of the key objectives of the mediator is to help them think about how they will resolve any conflict which arises in the future, and agree a plan for doing so. In these situations, the objective of mediating is usually to assist the parties to work together, not for them to become great friends. However, it is amazing how often the mediation process can cause fear and anger to melt away and repair damaged relationships.